New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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