Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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