Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
