She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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