I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize