My hand turned me down
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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