Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
