Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
