I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
