these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
