My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
