Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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