We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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