Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there