You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.