My Higher Power is John Stamos
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.