What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?