did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....