cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...