Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.