she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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