I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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