I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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