Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
