We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
