U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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