You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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