there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
