what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
