Porn is love you can see.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
