He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So many bounce houses so little time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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