she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
