Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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