dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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