i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
