Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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