Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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