why didn't you poke me back
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What a dumb baby whore.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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