I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
