If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
worst night to have a conscience
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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