i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
