***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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