so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
