I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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