gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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