Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
