Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
