Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
