u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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