At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
