dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
