Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
