You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
