I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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