Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
