This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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