i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
nutella sex= disaster
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
