another moral hangover. fuck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
