sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
