dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
