Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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