but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes