So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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