"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now