the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.