I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.