I bet he comes in French.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?