He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
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Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.