That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.