he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
