every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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