you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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