She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
